SWWIM publishes, celebrates, & promotes women, women-identifying & Femme-presenting writers through a Miami-based reading series & the online poetry journal SWWIM Every Day.

This Is How I Am an Addict by Sonia Greenfield

n that each day I cycle through

my textures—waking as flannel


until I apply espresso so I become

tweed which wears to a kind


of threadbare satin until I apply

one bourbon at bedtime and become


flannel again. Sometimes the rocks

glasses build up on the nightstand


because I am addicted to always

thinking about something else


besides what needs to be done.

And when I say I have named


our puppy Benzo, it is short for

Diazepine, because I know pills


can cover for me as if I were

a crazed canary in a cage and they


were the black curtain to calm me.

And I won’t pick the poppies


that grow overdoses because

I know the nausea that follows


such easy pleasure. I am addicted

to the way loneliness is being


surrounded by all manner of people

I want to kiss but can never


figure out how to talk to and to

the pings of social media where


I don't have to be clever on cue.

Mostly, though, I am addicted


to being in this body, to taking

care, and I know this will kill me,


but no faster or slower

than the average dying.

Sonia Greenfield was born and raised in Peekskill, New York, and her book, Boy with a Halo at the Farmer's Market, won the 2014 Codhill Poetry Prize. Her work has appeared in a variety of places, including in 2010 Best American Poetry, The Antioch Review, The Bellevue Literary Review, The Los Angeles Review, The Massachusetts Review, and Willow Springs. She lives with her husband and son in Hollywood where she edits the Rise Up Review and co-directs the Southern California Poetry Festival. 

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