Multiple things can be true at once. Like me,
still messing up the title of this show & it being
the best thing I’ve witnessed in years. Like me,
being a survivor, still being scared to say
the word rape, & it being the defining
experience of my 20’s. Would you believe me if
I said there’s life to live after loss? Would it make
sense to be serious yet less sympathetic to shittiness
after a 40-minute episode you have to talk about
during this week’s session of therapy? Before
I was a survivor I couldn’t have been a woman. Before
a tree drops its first set of acorns, some are already considered
rotten. Before I had queerness I was a kid, waiting
on all restroom stalls to be vacant before exhaling.
I remember nothing but the feeling after that forced,
compliancy apology. Hurt people hurt people
is a really weird way to say rape. I remember ditching
the scene, humming the anxiety away with a song. Maybe
MAY I DESTROY YOU feels more accurate to the experience.
Maybe the song in my most haunted memories sounds like
better run / to the ark / before the rain starts.
