by Laura Van Prooyen

According to the sages, an authentic life engages with
beginnings & endings, doesn’t shy away from
contradictory realms—not so easy for me to
do, but seems I can either resist or roll w/ this
evolving situation, let it be in the in-between:
fascination up, frustration down—genuine life
go on, hit me w/ your best shot. I’ve got a worry
hangover, but I shut off my phone, no more news,
imagined catastrophes, texts from home. I sit w/o
judgment in silence. Meditate. Belly breathing
knocks me out. Jumpstarts my palpitating heart.
Let me start again. Paradox is not new. In this unsteady
moment, being okay with uncertainty is what I
need to do to have a calm sense of anything. Yet, I resist
opening the door of solitude, the quiet, the holy (shit!)—
prayer? Is that what I’m doing here? Going there? I
question again & forever my fragile faith, but I’m
ready to fix myself up, even if it means confronting my
singular self (soul?) daily with the exhilarating reminder
that death is coming (for us all!), our most common
unquestionable truth. Eat the peach. Comb my hair.
Vow to stop fretting petty bullshit & be better
where I can—spare the cockroach my shoe & lead a more
examined life? I want the patience of a potato. Funny,
yes. But imagine sitting on a counter so long as to go soft,
zero regrets & shoots sprouting from so many new eyes.


____________________________________________________________

Laura Van Prooyen is author of four collections of poetry, including Sorry, We No Longer Offer Bereavement Fares, forthcoming in 2026. Laura facilitates workshops for healthcare workers, works as an independent consultant to writing clients, and teaches at Trinity University. She lives in San Antonio, TX and is the founder of Next Page Press. See lauravanprooyen.com.